"

So, of all the puzzling things that Sarah Palin told the American public last fall, perhaps the most puzzling was this: “Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.”

Believe me, it is not.

"

"It’s entirely possible that we’ve created the cultural trope of the Bad Boy™ out of nothing more than string and glue."

"I felt so powerful, so victorious, like I could crush solid granite with my hands. I wanted to turn cartwheels across my front yard, except for that whole STITCHES IN THE LADY PARTS thing. Yes, I did just go there, my apologies to the 19-year-old boy who is reading this in his mom’s basement. Listen, you just go right ahead and think that all women wax themselves bald down there like the pictures you see in that stack of porn underneath your bed and pretend I didn’t just suggest that on occasion, when the MIRACLE OF LIFE is involved, that beautiful flower of a body part has to come face to face with a needle and thread."

"I went to college but never completed a degree. I earn a decent living as an Executive Assistant, earning three times as much my mom who’s the head of an English department at a community college and with any student loans to pay back. But whereas she loves her job, I despise mine and end up using any extra cash I have trying to fill the giant void inside with buying crap I don’t need. Yay!"

"College is, for most people, a huge waste of time and money. They’ve become diploma-factories, serving no purpose other than to grow endowments and delay adulthood for the rich, regardless of interest or ability. They also have had quite possibly the most successful PR apparatus in history, as not attending a college now carries a stigma somewhat akin to leprosy in most circles."

"A/C repair, people. It ain’t going anywhere."

"All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted."