K'vitsh

I briefly engaged in a discussion with a Norwegian man, Eivind Berge, on his blog, regarding his view on rape. Here it is:

When men have something women have less of, such as money or power, women simply take it by force. It’s called affirmative action and feminists believe it’s right. I am not going to argue against that. I accept that as a lost cause. So instead I am going to embrace forced equality and demand it for men as well.

What women have that men don’t is of course sex. If anyone doubts that sex is a female resource, go here and request the PDF file Baumeister, R.F. & Vohs, K.D. (2004). Sexual Economics: Sex as Female Resource for Exchange in Heterosexual Interactions. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 8, 339-363.

In light of feminism, or if you believe in equality, this article makes such a compelling case for rape that Baumeister felt obliged to include the otiose disclaimer, “Our analysis should in no way be construed as excusing sexual coercion and we roundly condemn any such acts.”

So let us give women equality if that’s what they really want. Remember that due to the hypergamous nature of women, men get less sex as women get more money and power. Women are generally incapable of feeling attraction for men who are not better than they are, and soon men are no better than equal. So it is about time men in feminist countries such as Norway stop thinking of rape as wrong. I have previously argued this point e.g. here as Arpagus, and no one has been able to justify why affirmative action is right when it benefits women and hurts men but is wrong when it helps men and hurts women.

My first instinct was to post a rude comment on his blog, something about inviting him to test his theory on me, but if my natural instincts kicked in and I ripped off his balls, well, standing up for what you believe in always entails risk.

But then I thought better of it. He was already getting lots of abuse in the comments (not undeservedly). While it might feel good to vent my spleen in a couple of bitter sentences, what would it accomplish? I’d be dismissed as a harpy feminist. I had a feeling if I asked sincere questions, he’d answer. And he did. He answered thoughtfully and honestly, which I appreciated. Though it made me feel weird and compromised to be so polite at times, I felt better actually getting a real response as opposed to a flame war.

I didn’t really think I’d change his mind, but I’ll admit I had a teeny tiny hope that if I was calm and rational, maybe I could at least plant a seed of some kind. Sanity, compassion, reason - something. That maybe one day when he wasn’t feeling the sting of loneliness so acutely, when he wasn’t defensive, maybe he’d think about what I or others had written and reconsider. Hey, a harpy feminist can dream.

I’ve encountered similar attitudes before (only on the ‘net so far, thank science) - men who are unhappy and frustrated thinking - not just subconsciously, but on purpose - that women owe them sex and companionship. 

I can understand being depressed about not getting love. Oh, how I understand. What’s fascinating to me is the difference in reactions between men and women when each stare down that aching chasm. Because while there are bitter wenches out there, rarely, if ever, do women lash out at men so viciously, with such an all-encompassing hatred. Berge isn’t claiming he will rape, but he’s advocating it as a political action. And while he is being excoriated on the web for his views, it’s a case of dog biting man. If a woman posted something similar there would be a much bigger shit storm, I think. Because it’s so uncommon. And unacceptable. While most would argue man on woman violence is also abhorred, it’s accepted in large part as just the way things are.

Rape itself is the perfect example of this. While most rapists don’t have well-considered theses to justify their behavior, it’s the hatred of women that motivates them. And rape is so common, every woman is aware of it and the threat of it effects her habits daily. Or can, anyway. And there’s a resignation to it in society that’s…tiring? Shameful? Defeating? All of those and more.

Men are more likely to let their minds get warped because they’re allowed to have warped minds.

Though there are many men who kill themselves out of loneliness and some women who hurt men (though usually emotionally), generally, men lash out and women lash in. I wish it weren’t so different. Either that both turned their anger and frustration inwards so fewer innocent people were hurt, or that both lashed out and women had more of a fighting chance. Because I often don’t have hope that the benevolence of the powerful will save the oppressed. I think the only way the powerful will quit abusing is when they know there’s a good chance they’ll get fucking hurt if they try.

*Stolen from Patton Oswalt.